Where Did I Go?

07 September 2021

Square header image, white background with a colourful photo taped in the centre and in pink a handwritten title of ‘where did I go?’ Image is of a sunny day with people paddling in a river with trees and a castle in the background. There’s a hand drawn arrow to the castle and handwritten note saying ‘Ludlow castle’

I never used to be able to understand how some of my favourite bloggers seemed to disappear off of the face of the earth. It seemed strange they had merrily been blogging away one day and then had an unexpected hiatus only to return 6 months later apologising for their absence and giving us a brief catch up on their lives or giving us an explanation as to why they had decided to give up blogging altogether. Those were the good ones, there were always some who simply disappeared with no explanation. Those ones hurt more because you always worry it was something bad and not in fact just them losing interest. I didn't expect to be one of those bloggers, yet here we are.


I’m going to be honest, I never expected to stick it out with blogging. I started my blog on impulse after visiting some really good ones at the end of university. I was 21, jobless and could finally enjoy reading again because I wasn't required to read pages of dry historical text. I began with The Hunger Games and Divergent and that whole wave of dystopian YA books which were coming out. I then slowly drifted to some contemporary YA and a lot of sci-fi and fantasy stuff. I didn't take up blogging then, though. It took another year or two of me starting working my second job and feeling a bit lost. I loved reading but never had anyone to talk books with and then it clicked, I should start a blog. The internet has always been the place I've turned to for pretty much everything so why can't it solve my book problems too? It certainly got me into reading again (although I'd never stopped buying books). I thought it wouldn't last. I have a short attention span and commitment issues, yet here we are. My blog is 7 years old and I've had it longer than a lot of good relationships last. But it has been neglected lately and I did worry I was losing interest, I still worry I am. But I miss the social side even if the admin and boring parts of blogging fill me with dread (I'm looking at you post formatting and general blog upkeep).


I've drafted about a dozen 'I'm back' type posts over the past few months. I have wanted to return but the longer I wait the more awkward I feel about it. It's like when you meet new people and forget someone's name. The longer you wait to ask them to remind you the more awkward it is to admit you don't know. It's part of why I've not really even been visiting blogs (although I do keep trying and so you will have seen my name about) I just feel like everyone has been hanging out without me while I've been gone. Hell, a lot of people who used to always be on my blog feed have disappeared off too. I guess I wasn't the only one struggling with blogging during a global pandemic. How crazy and unexpected.


I am back now, I won't be following a set schedule of posting, I don't even have a good reading routine in place right now let alone a routine for blogging. My life revolves around work, sleep, and walking to my mom's to avoid being at home. I suppose I have life stuff to fill you in on but it kind of feels awkward to just throw it all at you when I've not been around lately. I don't want to be that friend you haven't seen in years who unloads all of their life drama on you as soon as you see each other again. It's boring and a little needy and I guess I don't want to make it all about me. But then, I suppose starting a blog kind of makes you the central focus? Maybe, I secretly like the attention? I don't know, life can be discussed at a later date if you really want the details I guess?


I will sy it hasn’t been all doom and gloom around here. Yes, I do probably over work and need a better work/life balance, but my managers also recognise the work I’m doing and I’m being supported so I may need to take more annual leave but they are reminding me of that fact too so I avoid burn out. And now restrictions have eased again (potentially too soon, but we will see what comes of it in a few months) I am seeing friends and getting out of the house. I have been on trips to Birmingham and Ludlow and had fun adventures outdoors which aren’t in my back garden. I’m also now fully vaccinated and can feel comforted that I have that extra layer of protection even if there is no guarantee of how long it lasts, I have done all I can to protect myself and those around me outside of wearing a face mask.


Well, we can have a catch up later. Until then this rambling post will serve as my 'I'm still alive post' and as a warning that there are more posts to come. I have missed using my brain for anything other than work and the occasional sudoku puzzle.


So what have I missed? What are your favourite books of the year so far? Have you discovered a new favourite blogger or 5 you think I should check out? And how are you all coping with things, feel free to unload on my like I haven't with you guys.

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