I’m back… and things are about to change

28 October 2019

Guess who’s back… back again. I was going to go and do the full song lyrics but thought that might be weird. I’m showing my age with an Eminem song, aren’t I?

I know I've been gone for a while and I’m sorry about that. I didn't intend to not blog, it just kind of happened. I fell off the face of the earth and gave no notice to you. I've been busy adulting and haven't been in the mood at all to read or blog because I’ve been so stressed at everything that I’ve really been taking some time for me. I think you can all understand the need to take a break. I actually only intended it to be a couple of days off for me… and then I just didn’t get the motivation to read or blog back. I mean, it completely left. Blogging and even reading your blogs was the absolute last thing on my mind. I actually really need the break it seems. 

I know you guys know I've been house shopping. I'm not going into details on it because I don't want to jinx anything but things are progressing well and that's probably why I've been so stressed out. There are so many things to do and so many big decisions and so much money involved! And the problem is it involved me making so many decisions and I am a terrible decision-maker. I’m excited but I really wish I could get someone else to do the leg work for me and just give me the house keys at the end. I’ll fill you guys in soon (or if you’re dying to know just message me on twitter or something, I’ll tell you everything but I feel like if I put it on my blog for anyone to see everything will fall apart).

Anyway, I think half of my problem (apart from stress) is that I've kind of lost my way with blogging. I still really enjoy it (when I'm in the mood for it) but I feel like the pressure to always be reading and blogging is a lot and I kind of felt like I've not been myself on my blog. No, that's a lie, I've been myself I just feel like I've constantly trying to be like other bloggers on my blog and I've just been going through the motions of blogging for the sake of things. I wasn't blogging for the love of it and that isn't fun. It's probably why I felt no motivation to pick my blogging back up. Add into that another reading slump and I was gone for far too long.

Even my reading slump is linked back to my blog. The pressure to be reading is a lot. I see you all reading a lot and I feel like as soon as I finish one book I should have moved on to another because I have so many unread books and I need to clear my shelves. That really hit me hard and killed my motivation but turns out I'd much rather read what I want when I want and that does, in fact, include attempting to read those old books because I have too many books and I want to clear them up a bit. 

During my long absence, I've been doing a whole lot of blog-related thinking. Both of my own blog and everyone's which I follow. I've begun to consider more how and what I want to blog about. I contemplated stopping, but I love visiting your blogs and you guys visiting mine and just getting to be part of the community. It’s tough, though. So many bloggers I used to visit regularly have either stopped blogging or are slowing down. I feel like we've all been hit a bit with this feeling of being lost about what we want to do. I hope we don't all stop blogging but I certainly feel like I need to change because otherwise the enjoyment will stop and then what is the point? And my blogging of the past few months has not always been filling me with joy. Why else would I so fall into another hiatus? Sure, I’ve enjoyed posts I’ve written and I always enjoy reading the comments, but it’s still felt like a bit of a chore. I want to get the joy back because I miss how excited (and nervous) I used to be to have certain posts to go up and how much I looked forward to reading each every comment. I still look forward to them but the excitement hasn’t been there.

The point of this post? Mostly to say I don't even know what I'm doing anymore but I definitely don't want to stop blogging. I love it here and I want to keep that, but whilst I've been gone I've been exploring Twitter (but not a lot), Instagram (but not posting), and Youtube. I think Youtube had the biggest impact on me wanting to stay around. I don't follow any booktubers (is that what we're calling them) and I don't think I ever will. I want to read someone's excitement about books, I'm not really one to listen and watch someone talk about them. Books don't translate in that kind of visual way for me. Even bookstagram is a bit beyond me. But the YouTubers I do watch (mostly beauty, lifestyle, gaming and travel-related) have something they love and talk about and it makes them interesting. I notice they don't all stick to one thing but have let themselves branch out and talk about whatever. They have grown and expanded and in doing so get far more enjoyment out if it. That's how I want to be on my blog. I want to be fun and talk about what I'm enthusiastic about. I always said I wanted to talk about more than books and have never fully achieved that here. This is me saying I want to do more of what I love and less of what I should be doing.

  • I don't want to feel obligated to review every book I read and it’s enough with having a pile of unread ARCs on my Kindle. I love getting ARCS and having a chance to read the books I’m eagerly awaiting the release of but I can’t keep not reading books. I have a whole bunch on my Kindle and shelves and I want to start focusing on older books as well as new.
  • I also want to start saving money and buying less. I think I am going to have a spending limit on myself and start spending more time trying to only get the books I know I will read and not keep impulse buying in sales. And I want to spend more time utilising my local library for books. I haven’t visited in so long and although I’m using the online borrowing more I often find I borrow a book and don’t get to reading it on there. Anyway, more celebrating the free sources of books while I spend all of my money on a house.
  • I want to start celebrating past books I've loved as well as current reads. And what about the books I'm excited about? I might start joining in TTT or Waiting on Wednesday to celebrate books but we shall see finding time to blog is tough.
  • I also want to start celebrating bloggers I love to visit. Either through blog posts or linking to things they're talking about. My blog has become way too closed off and independent of people and I used to love feeling included. I want to spend the time sharing the love because that’s what helps motivate all of us to keep blogging.
  • I want to talk about the things which interest me. I want to talk more about games, or TV. I want to talk about how I went to a really cool bar last week. I want to talk about what I'm excited about. I know you see some of that in my Sunday posts, glimpses into my real life, but I want to share more with you. 
  • And most of all? I don't want to contantly feel pressured to post. I won't have a schedule. I will stick to no plan and I want to try and feel ok about that. I know I've never really had a schedule before either but I kind of did in my head. 

Basically, I want my blog to feel part of the community instead of a quiet little corner and I want it to help me find my love of blogging and reading again because it's something I've slowly been losing along the way. Blogging was and always will be a hobby. I don’t have many people in my life to talk about books with and blogging was the way I found an outlet for it. I can tell folks all about the books I’m reading but there are a very few folks who read as much as I do. The only person I know who reads more than me is my mom but she is a machine! She reads an insane number and puts me to shame but she is a force to be reckoned with.

Anyway, I am hoping this is a permanent thing this return of mine. I have hope that’ll I’ll get my groove back.

What motivates you to keep blogging? And what keeps you coming back even after a break? Do you find yourself being inspired by things completely unrelated to your blog? 
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